The One who broke ma heart !! She ain't a Bitch !!

Well its been a long time since I have written something , the reason well I ll share that in this post
So This is the story of how a Bitch broke ma heart or that's what I thought..

All this started on the fateful morning of August 4th 2012, when I had come to this new place to attend the inauguration of my friend's company. Since all were busy with their work, I strolled on this new place that's when I met her playing on the due filled grass on her house lawn. I was dumb struck with her innocence. That's the first time we both met and I thought that would be the last too, but god had other plans for us.. eventually  she would become my next door neighbor when I take the job offered by my friend after few months..

Initially when I had taken up the offer I didn't give much thought about her since I was planning ahead for my independent life in kerala which I wanted for a long time. Along with my friend I left Chennai to my new work place and home. The moment I reached the place, I saw her again it was as if she was waiting for my arrival. She had changed a lot from what I had seen her last time, she now sported curly hairs, her new features made her even look more beautiful.. 

As days passed, I started meeting her daily. there were less communication between us because I was feared of her .Well when i finally had the confidence I started to approach her, but it turned out that she was even more afraid of me,she had lot of trust issues, I didn't back down I patiently tried to win her confidence back. I don't have a clue what and all I had done to gain the trust factor from her, finally she started becoming close to me. She started playing with me and would stay by side whenever I was alone even at late night without a damn care about her family and I started trusting her and started calling her "Jesse" as I didn't know her real name. I felt that name suited her so I never asked for her real name either..

Things were going good for me. I started liking my work , my new place and I rarely felt alone because of her presence in my life when i needed.. Things started to crumble when I  had leave to Chennai for my graduation day without conveying it to her. It was not altogether a pleasant trip for me this time in Chennai.. I was happy to return back to kerala so that I could meet Jesse whom I definitely had to meet, but she wasn't there well, I thought she might be angry about the fact that I didn't tell her that I was leaving.. I know for a fact that she would eventually come back.. so I waited for anger to subside. 

As days passed to weeks  I never even  got a glimpse of her. I started feeling lonely again and I wanted Jesse to be on my side right now playing with me, but she wasn't there.. Now By this time I started sporting the usual Devdas beard.(you know attribute of all emotional fools).. I started working late night just to keep myself occupied so that I don't wander off into thoughts.. On one such particular night I returned home late night all alone from office. I met Jesse playing with this guy who I never met. I didn't care about this guy because I was happy to see Jesse again.. My heart felt warm on seeing her. I signaled to her to make my presence felt from a distant.. She saw me and yet she ignored me and started playing with this guy.. She wasn't like this with me before, but the arrival of a new person in her life made me invincible to her..Then I realized a thing "She is after all a bitch what much more can you expect from her anyways".. I was heart broken and

BROKEN BY THE BITCH...

I thought about everything I had done for her to gain her trust, her love with my eyes closed. When I finally consoled myself and opened my eyes she was there in front of me  with her curly hair, watery eyes. She had come back.. I literally had tears in my eyes for what I thought about her in the last few minutes. I had to ask sorry to her when I was about to we heard a voice calling out some name from a distant. It was the voice of the guy who Jesse was playing with earlier. With lot of effort we both trying hard to decipher what we was shouting, finally the voice was clear he was calling out for some Jimmy, the second the voice was clear, I saw Jesse turned her back on me and ran to her master. Only then I realized that

Jesse wasn't a BITCH, Jesse is a dog , who goes by the name of  Jimmy.

My heart wasn't broken by a Bitch, it was broken by a dog for god sake :) !!!

Thank you all for wasting your time for this post :) !! Peace out !!

My Ambition ( Past To Future )

Sitting late night in my work bench with legs placed broadly on my work system with keyboard on my lap and tapping each key from it with the middle finger ( no puns intended) with my favorite songs reaching its highest notes through my headset and my eyes focused on the screen at its fullest !! 

Reason, you might ask, but you wouldn't though. I will answer to that anyways.,

The first and most important reason is because half of the screen space is adorned by damn sexy babe as my wallpaper for my enlightenment purposes :)... So that it surely does take my mind out of work.. which is bad from the company's point of view.. but they need not have to worry on that part because that's the second reason why I am staring at the computer is because the second half of screen space is shared by a software called DW(Dream Weaver) developed by Adobe Systems, the name is really catchy and has a great meaning to it."Weaving dreams" to be much more precise designing the dreams.. Does it indeed weave dreams??? mmmmm????

Nahhh !! It doesn't weave any dream for me... though it does weave dream to my company's clients.. A dream weaved by Me...   

That is my present nature of my work.. sit in-front of the computer with the DW opened and type codes using "PHP".. A name which I still have problem in abbreviating and with no ideas what so ever to code and proceed to the next step,and here everyone calls me around me as a developer.. My present situations reminds me of those fun filled tensed moments during lab examinations where I sit on for an hour or so in front of the system without knowing how to proceed  after the main() in C program with internal examiner stalking around my back to shout at me.. Ahhhh, one thing that I forgot to mention for those who doesn't know me I am BE graduate in Computer Stream... So that makes me an Computer Engineer...

"Computer Engineer"-- I have a distant memory from my childhood where everyone used to ask me the same irritating question.. "Beta, Bada hoke tum kya banoge??" "Kanna,Perusu aana yenna ava neeyu??" "Kutta,veluthu aayu nee enthu aagum ??" A question that would have been probably been asked to eveyone in different dialects. In English it would be somewhat like this "Son,What is your ambition ??"...

" Abe saale whats your problem of who I would become in future ??? "

          

A feeling which I always wanted to express when that question was put forth in front of me. !! But I always had an answer to that question "Well I 'll be an engineer and that to an Computer Engineer" just to escape from their sneers..Funny side is that my dear father took this matter seriously and alas he bought me a seat

in an engineering college..

So, beginning a new stage of my life as a college student with intentions of studying right from the start and fulfilling my father's dream.. I set out to become an engineer.. huh !! who am I joking with.. I had other intentions in my mind, to woo a girl and get the love of my life.. but god had other plans with me... No girls were remotely interested in me :-/ .. I just had my books as my companion and my friends who were actually nerds were all getting committed  :/... that is when i learned "Life is a Bitch Mate".... well my plans didn't exactly work though, but i was able to procure my 3 fr enemies.. one who is sitting at home waiting to get placed in IIT.. other one who is my best chap who is coincidentally is my colleague too., and the third one who is still fighting with me for fun..

College life went well, with lot of fun, little bit of trouble and more less of studies.. At those times Engineers were considered a laughing stock. it was recession time and everyone had the chance to become an engineer.. See I myself am an example for that.. I was never really bothered.. I would still say to everyone one that I want to be an computer engineer(Software Professional) because I had no other go other than that :-/ See that's the fate.. In my 3 rd year when I did answer to that question I got a cute reply from a person. 

"You an Engineer !! Really ?? Ohhhh wow I always wanted to talk to an engineer ?? "

I never understood that was a mockery for being an engineer :) !!! After crossing every hurdles placements arrears and everything I finally wrote my final exam and departed from the college as an Engineer.. Then it was time to search for a job.. My ego made me to hunt for a job that was related to what I studied and I did get the job that is why I am sitting here right now writing this blog with my mind at peace because this job has finally taught me everything. My ambition was never to became an computer engineer but something else which I would reveal to guys later. I don't hate my present job.. I love it a bit more because it has taught me this is not the place where I belong and made me to revise my future plans :) !!!!

With Hopes.,

Montae

Why Had I Stopped Writing ??

    Why had I stopped writing ?? A question answered to thyself...

In my teens I was never much of a good speaker and was never been able to articulate properly.. I always end up in trouble if I start conversing with people, I just speak out what is in my mind.. some take me it as my blunt nature others tend to take am a person without emotions. Even people's close to me, the ones who knew me stayed away from me.. Reason I started to be alone to myself, that is the when I started to write.

Soon it turned out to be a pleasure for me, later on one of my passion, to a point I chose writing rather than conversing with other, even with my parent and brother..For 7 years, I just loved to left alone rather than mingling with others..

I came to know even my brother had the same passion towards writing.. a little much more than me.. as he chose writing as his profession after graduating engineering.. He never told his passions to me personally either, as we rarely talk.. I found about his writing skill when i spied on him because of suspicious behavior.. I read his personal dairy that he maintained, I was not interested in reading it until I noticed a poem of his about "Some stuff".. that i don't wanna disclose.. It was not an extraordinary work, it was simple yet something style was there in it which captured my attention.. I loved it  and  tried hard to replicate his work which i never succeed to this date.. He had his own style.. Later on when I was sure I can't be like him in writing.. I started to develop my own style of writing.. Most of my writing would be about the stuff that I don't share with anyone else and characterizing people of how I know them.. The latter part I do for a fun and I am good at doing it too...

Since I rarely used to spend time with others.. I never learned to let my emotions out.. I never really cared about it either, I was happy with the fact that I had paper and pen with me.. hence I never had showed any of my writings to anyone.. 

Three years back, I met this complete stranger, who I met by coincidence, was the first one to whom I started talking.. I showed my writings to this person and was my best critic all the same.. Although this person was the reason I stopped writing in the first place, which I have never regretted, because this person encouraged me to talk, to open up.. I was never the same after that.. I started talking with my parents.. and I finally started to confide things to my brother(Whom i Call "MAMA" these days)... From being a shy reserved type, this person made me a chatterbox gave a new perceptive to my life.. This person later on was not present in my life, due to my stupidity,but it did really made an impact in my life.. 

Long time passed since I took paper and pen for pleasure.. Today January 21st, @ 0030 hrs,, I have taken up my stuffs to write again... This time I have taken up my writing not to seclude myself again like I did the last time.. I am sure that person wouldn't want me to do that again.. I have started off writing in torn pages from notebook,got to buy a diary soon...